Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
