i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
