She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
