Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
