last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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