help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
