Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
