Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
