Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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