DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize