just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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