If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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