it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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