I hate your face
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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