to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
