I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
