Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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