put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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