Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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