the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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