there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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