I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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