that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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