Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
