i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
