If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub