Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
