there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
