i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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