just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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