can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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