Your face is a jimmy john
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
