Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize
