Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
