I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
