So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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