Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
