I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So vagazzling was a success
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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