you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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