I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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