How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
