i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You don't make any sense
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