Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
