I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
