I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
