Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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