I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
