I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were trust falling into bushes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
