I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
