Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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