38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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