on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just invented taco cereal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
