i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize