saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
