she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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