also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
