I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
