I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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