I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
