wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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