So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
