he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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