Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
