i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
