Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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