I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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