I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
