I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
