Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
