It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
