Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
