I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
