You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
