perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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