im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize